Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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