Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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