i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
