Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
