I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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