We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
