I'm really into asian looking animals
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
