Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
