hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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