i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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