I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
it's like iHOP with fire
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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