she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
