After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
