Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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