batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
