dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
