dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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