I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
