After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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