I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
