I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
