We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
