when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
