yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
