In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Randomize
