in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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