apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
