You don't have asthma, your pregnant
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
