I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
