You're a womanizer and a bitch.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
