I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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