when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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