margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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