i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
