i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
