I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
