waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
