Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I touched a dick in church today
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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