Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
