im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
