I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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