she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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