oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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