i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
