bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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