She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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