In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
