My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
