3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
