make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
