I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
