What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
