There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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