dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Randomize
